I've wanted to be a nurse since i was 5 years old. My whole life has been in preparation for this career. I graduated Boston College as Valedictorian and worked as hard as i did because i knew i wanted to work in the ICU immediately....something that is unheard of with new graduate nurses. But for the past 8 years, i have been working and living my dream as an ICU nurse.

Night shift is perfect for me because i've always had insomnia and i believe at night is when a patient really needs you. they dont have visitors with them, its scary, anxiety ridden, and they need someone to be their surrogate family for the night....and i always believed i was the person they needed during this difficult time.

But here i am, 5 months post-TBI, and just went out of work again due to worsening symptoms. My hospital wont allow 8 hr shifts in the ICU or on the floors. Ive already been informed by neurologist that when she approves me to return to work in 3 months, it will only be for 8 hours shifts part time and during the daytime hours.

This eliminates any possibility of returning to the ICU since we only have 12 hours shifts. Struggling with the possibility of not being able to work in the ICU when i return is so difficult. THis is where i belong, its my dream, its my life. And now, i wont be able to return there for the foreseeable future.

This is my identity. It is who i am. No one understands that. My career has been changed, my life has been changed, and my heart breaks knowing everything i worked for has been altered by my head injury. I dont want to accept it. I will miss taking care of my patients more than anything else.