Gotta make this short- need to go get kids from school soon.

I've been taking Depakote and Trazadone since September. The trazadone I don't take a regular dose regularly- just one or two pills or half a pill whenever I feel like it. Friday night I took it but Saturday night I did not. Then Sunday I was completely a horrible emotional mess- crying uncontrollably, not knowing what was wrong, overreacting to everything and generally feeling like a kid again and not understanding the world- that surreal feeling. (I took all my other meds.) Then Sunday night I took it and yesterday I was fine. Last night I did not take it and now I am shakey and irritable. Yesterday at work i was so forgetful- now that I think about it. I don't like how I feel when I take it0- bad dreams, lack of good sleep.... but now if I don't take it, I feel weird and if I do I feel even worse! A couple weeks ago, I went to the movies and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I could, of course, but I kept taking my asthma meds to help- they did a bit, but not really. Now I think about it I guess it was anxiety? Can med withdrawal do that? I don't remember if I took those meds the night before the movies or not. Probably not as I was out with Christopher that night and I never take trazadone at his place. My mind starts going into those places where things seem surreal. That scares me and makes things worse. I go down a bad spiral. Then my mood swings get even MORE pronounced. i am back to worse than i was when I went on the meds for in the first place. Doesn't help that I love coffee so I thought that was making me jittery- lack of food + coffee = jitters, right? Then I realized I felt mentally not myself and thought maybe I am getting addicted to trazadone. What do you all think?