Quote:
Originally Posted by LIT LOVE
First off, I'd say that you are describing an acute mental health problem that needs to be addressed urgently. If you haven't found the right treatment yet, that doesn't mean you can't or won't--it just feels that way. Taking the iniative to advocate for yourself by posting this thread is a big step in the right direction.
You're describing a slight improvement of quality of life when you're over seas, but it doesn't sound like you're mental health is going to be addressed over there, so that's a problem...for you medically and potentially for your ability to continue receiving SSD.
Have you considered moving to Hawaii? There is section 8 housing available and by using your Medicare benefits you could address your bipolar disorder. It's a shorter and less expensive flight to the Phillipines, so that you could still vacation there.
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Thank you for your response. Sadly it looks like I am in for a ride. I have taken many different drugs with no help for the depression (many caused problems, not make it better). They do seem to have found drugs that help the mania and psychotic features. In the US life itself is a trigger for suicidal ideation. In the Philippines the only trigger seems to be the thought of loosing my SSDI, then having to come back to the USA, ending up homeless again, back into and out of hospitals because homelessness is just to traumatic for me to handle and fighting for my SSDI benefits.
I do have a pdoc and tdoc here in the USA and the pdoc does try to change my meds, but the depression is drug resistant. I can still get the same drugs in the Philippines and see a psychiatrist there. Everything legal is in English there as is most signage, consumer goods, etc. Their doctors are very versed in English so that is not a problem.
I am washed up in my career because I have been out for so long and I am really unable to do anything else as I have limited and specific education (COBOL programming from a tech school and 2.5 credits from high school). I did love my job but this has brought me to my knees. Trying to do other jobs has ended in rather quick failure, I just can’t take it at some point and rather than going into a rage or loosing it I just walk off.
The worse thing about going to the Philippines is the possibility of having to come back to the US. The worse thing about staying in the US is fighting the losing emotional battle, taking the Philippines off the table just makes me want to give up. It is actually the only thing I am holding onto right now.
Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.
Sorry for the long post, got a lot on my mind.