Quote:
Originally Posted by mymorgy
Mari
do you think that is a bipolar thing? I forgot exactly what my former lawyer who helped me get disability said but something to the effect that my work record was like one who was bipolar. It seemed to get progressively get worse. I don't know if it was a steady erosion of my confidence or what. I was outrageously confident in elementary school and seventh grade. Then I went to a prep school which was harder to get good grades. I will never forget my latin teacher telling me she couldn't give me higher grades because i seemed too nervous. ugh. I saw her when i was in college and told her i was getting a's in Latin. so there.
bobby

As much as I keep reading & asking, the pile of what I don't know just seems to grow outrageously. My first job was a dream come true, my next job amazing, & the next *through the sky* unbelievable. Even with my drinking at alcoholic levels, I kept getting work at top money.
The drinking was to squash the situational depression. I couldn't handle my husband's & daughter's deaths. Finally a producer cared enough to take me to AA. Drinking quit working. When I quit drinking thru AA, things got better ... but I could never get back to the professional level. Never tried; knew I no longer had it.

I've done fine in my new careers, but I've always felt them failures. I thought this was as good as it could be. Could the alcohol have been hiding bipolar whatever-it-is? Was it maybe never depression but something bipolar then?

Oh, well. Curious. Doesn't matter. Things are good enough, considering.

Oh, but Bobby! How I wish I'd been with you in college when you met your prepschool Latin teacher & reported your college Latin grades: A's!! Yep, wish I'd been there then !

I didn't get all a's in Latin at Penn but i got a lot...all the teacher could say was that nice. One of my friends told me that to get over the mourning of a husband's death takes two years and i think getting over ones child's death takes forever. So many bipolars medicate themselves with alcohol. My father was one. I wonder why you felt your latter careers as failures. I think a lot of us know we have a lot of potential but our bipolar interferes with our performance which is so frustrating. I wonder how many times you have been told that you were brilliant or something to that effect. I think as a bipolar is it is hard to feel good about ourselves. we are never enough. self acceptance is so hard. I understand the need to drink because then you can escape at least for a while those feelings.
bobby