I really
wanted my teaching/theatre careers. It was an ego thing. I
made both happen, just kept knocking at doors & using contacts till I got what I wanted. I was good--people said I was brilliant. They paid me as if i were. Then it all unravelled.
I went thru who-knows-how-many jobs. Then many years with computers. Successfully, but not what
I wanted. After my mom died, Florida & writing. Again successfully. Finally I began to realize that writing was what I was supposed to be doing all this time. I get little
self-satisfaction out of this compared with theatre, but I dont worry & there's little stress. Here is where my true talent lies.
The odd thing about my alcoholic impulse is that it's been very quiet since I was first put on a mood stabilizer. Not one time have I thought of getting a bottle. I guess it's a chemical thing.
I'm glad you've continued this thread. Over 50,000 viewings! Lots of sadness out there & in here both I guess.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mymorgy
So many bipolars medicate themselves with alcohol. My father was one. I wonder why you felt your latter careers as failures. I think a lot of us know we have a lot of potential but our bipolar interferes with our performance which is so frustrating. I wonder how many times you have been told that you were brilliant or something to that effect. I think as a bipolar is it is hard to feel good about ourselves. we are never enough. self acceptance is so hard. I understand the need to drink because then you can escape at least for a while those feelings.
bobby
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(my emphasis --BCG)