3Fingers,
First I would like to welcome you to the family.
Your frustration and anger is understandable as well as your pain is understood. This monster affects us all in much the same way as well as in very different ways. But it sucks never the less.
So sorry that you're going through this but at least you've come to a place to read, vent, even scream if you need to and someone is always willing to lend an understanding ear...