Originally Posted by paula_w

The next several days were psychotic . i couldn't put two words together that made sense.

the nightmares were the worst i've ever had. even awake i could 'hear things" and thought people were there who weren't. PARANOIA out of control.all of my nightmares were about people turning against me and doing the cruelest of things. later on when awake i asked my friend where my brother was - he would never knowingly hurt me. she said what do you mean? he isn't here. i dreamt they tortured my old cat and thought she was dead. and on and on.........

here is one of the points i want to make. be careful when you sign your wishes. they could pull the plug too quick. i mean that. and i was ready to go. telling my doctor to not bring me back if my foot twitched, it was just dopamine, not a signal to live. but then i realized i was pretty clear headed for a dying person. none of this was real. only the point - i chose to go.

after a few days and much confusion i realized that i wasn't starving to death. they kept talking about the cat and i said is she alive? they said yes. my girls kept saying , "stop talking about dying.'i thought i had no choice because i wasn't hungry enough to eat. my friend asked, 'do you want to die'? i said do i have a choice? then i realized how far out there i really was. darkness and not comprehending.

the voices never stopped. well i managed to eat enough to get released from the hospital to rehab. its a nice facility and we were transported byy medicab. i was stark raving mad and telling the paramedics abunch of complete mistruths, just convinced that this was all happeneing. they left my bottle of sinemet on the seat and i took it. they said don't take it we willl get in trouble. i remembered dancing into the rehab center like in a waltz with the other paramedic where i was wrestled with by a nurse who got the sinemet away from me then immediately hugged me and said i'lll make sure you will get it.

there were a couple of sassy nurses - more than a couple- making cracks and i told one of them ..'grumpy"/ the nursing supervisor saw only a leg dyskinetic up in the air that had just had hip surgery. i told her my daughters were at the end of the hallway.

she knew it was about medication and believed me because i could tell her i knew i was crazy ,paranoid and psychotic. the next morning, i woke up to a nurse signing in and remarked /it's about the leg isn't it> they all cheered and said thank God she is back.

medication:

i was dropped drastically low in sinemet -like 12 less a day and not given
nortriptyline or xanax at first in the hospital. when i realized how much of my medications were not being given i freaked out and quickly got most of them back. now it was time to train the rehab place. what a battle....it never stops. they make mistakes every day and that's just with mine.

so here i am at the mercy of a doctors orders whom i just met in a land of incompetence and attitude. not all of them of course. but enough to know that it prevails in placese like this. this is one of the nicer ones.

so i have to trace the chemical trail- i can't go thru this in any future surgeries and doctors don't do it.

this is where the babyboomers are going to end up. i go to OT and PT and my exercising really helped.i'll be here at least a month. i'm sitting at tables doing peg designs, being quizzed for mentality [what happened in dec, 1941] where was i , what was my birthdate, surrounded by elderly stroke victims and wondering how i ended up here so soon.

but my head is clearing and i'm doing very well...therapists are good and i'm going to walk unassisted as soon as i get the ok from the ortho.

if anyone entertains any ideas about group homes now would be the time to speak up. one and the first one of my bones fractured and i'm laid up taking patronizing, scolding and mood from a completely negative and bullying staff.

i'm not ever going to mention names. but we all don't have to accept these "results".

we must stop being abused by the medical profession. i've seen enough already to write a book. and we are paying for everyone to do it.

seeing the light with a clearer head...