Good morning F1DO...I trust you are still among the living today. Addy is right...you've come to the right "family". In so many ways you remind me of another member here...Lonely1.

I am a survivor of our only son's suicide. He also put a gun in his mouth and it worked for him....his actions changed our lives forever. You cannot, must not, destroy your parents and siblings lives by taking your own.

I understand that you want your pain to end and I admire your honesty in sharing your feelings here but trust me when I say that the guilt and pain your family would have to live with is horrendous.

I recommend a good book...Suicide.The Forever Decision. It's a paperback and the author "gets it". Please continue to look for a therapist that isn't an idiot. And please continue to talk to us.

Oh that dark house you described....we call it the black hole but have learned that it does have sides...and on the other sides are people reaching out to help you.