I want to thank you all for your responses so far. It is so refreshing to find people who will continue to accept me when my mood or behavior changes. I appreciate your invitations for PMs and will follow up on that soon.

I called my school's counseling center today... they said that in order to switch therapists I have to talk to the Director. Kind of bureaucratic, but oh well - hopefully they let me switch.

I start my new meds tomorrow. I talked to my doctor today and apparently having those couple of glasses of wine while on my last medication may have contributed to the side effects. Maybe, maybe not. I was on some pain meds last year after I was in a car crash and I had serious drowsiness issues on that medication. I couldn't even stay awake in a car ride or a dimly-lit room. Perhaps I am just highly susceptible to side effects. Hopefully not.

It is really something that I can tell you guys more than I can tell my friends from school and work. Such an interesting world we live in.

I'm aware of how painful and tragic a suicide can be to the family. Earlier, I had wanted to "fall" off a high waterfall or cliff. I am adventurous and love the outdoors - and people know that about me - so suicide would not have been suspected. The problem was I don't have the right geography near me, nor do I have a car to drive elsewhere. I couldn't think of anything else that would look like a true accident.

@thelonely1 We do seem to have a lot in common. I think everything you described about yourself describes me as well.

Again, I appreciate all of your comments. For now, I am going to post a poem I wrote while I was having troubles with my ex-best friend. (This will mark the first time I've shared a poem as well.) Hopefully it means something to you and is something some of you can relate to.



Endlessly...
07/18/2011


Regrets, I have many
And I could name a few.
But the love of your heart
Kept me warm and secure.

Comfortable to talk and share
With no secrets, shame, or fear.
We cared dearly - as much as we could talk -
Endlessly...

Without hesitation
I saw the thread of your heart
And followed it ever-closer.
Without hesitation
You pulled on the thread of my own.
Oh! How close-knit we were!

This love remains forever
In this forlorn heart of mine
And it will grow forevermore
For within me, you are entwined.

Mistakes, I have made.
The longing and the despair!
Torn by my ill thoughts
The ones I could not bear.

How far away are you?
Through the distance I can feel
You're still warm without my being there.
Now you are far away.
You need me no longer.
Oh! But this love will not subside!