Thank you all for your kindness and support.

The tough love and calling out of my contradictory thoughts is also appreciated. It may seem weird to say, but none of those points are new to me. I've already realized all of that on my own, but for some reason it is hard to think that way or to believe it is true. Sometimes it is hard to want things to get better... or maybe to try to make things better... I don't really know how to explain it. It's weird.

One of the bigger issues for me is that I have a really hard time connecting to people. It contributes to feeling so alone, and it will probably make it harder for me to get what I need from this place, but I will try.

I started my new medication today. Half of a 20mg tablet for now. A smaller dosage will hopefully help prevent against so many side effects.

My mom's birthday was yesterday and my family is doing a family dinner today. That will be enjoyable.