So, stranger, is Brunei where you've been studying abroad? Or is it home, where you're returning to get married?

You do have so many problems ahead, & I feel for you. If his mother does know generally of your health status, I hope that means his family will stand behind you. When you say a "fixed marriage," does that mean that--when you became pregnant--the two families decided that you would marry? Although that's not terribly common in the West, it's certainly a way that's been around for a long time.

You say that you "cause other people alot of suffering and hardship." That must weigh heavily on you. Have people told you that? Or are you just assuming it? I don't have any family, but I've got friends who stick with me through it all--hospitalizations, bottomless depressions, weeklong rants, suicide brushes. When I wonder how they can keep coming back that all say I'm worth it. I bet your people would say the same about you. I think my friends are nuts, but im glad they are--& i guess that's part of the mystery of love.

As for your other concerns, let us know where home is & maybe someone on one of the forums may have an idea--at least, about where to start. Take things s-l-o-w.

I'm really glad you found NT. Post on the hydrocephalus forum a lot & get connected there, okay?