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The tough love and calling out of my contradictory thoughts is also appreciated. It may seem weird to say, but none of those points are new to me. I've already realized all of that on my own, but for some reason it is hard to think that way or to believe it is true. Sometimes it is hard to want things to get better... or maybe to try to make things better... I don't really know how to explain it. It's weird.
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I was tough on you. I'm sorry, but I was worried.
You don't need to explain that feeling. I'm sure a lot of people understand what you mean without explanation.
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One of the bigger issues for me is that I have a really hard time connecting to people. It contributes to feeling so alone, and it will probably make it harder for me to get what I need from this place, but I will try.
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Know you're not alone in having a difficult time connecting with people. It's hard for me as well, but it's got much easier over time. It's probably more difficult right now because you threw yourself out there to us all. That would understandably make you feel more vulnerable right now. Heck, I have trouble making a new thread because it's so obvious. You've done well to get through the crisis as you have with such insight.
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My mom's birthday was yesterday and my family is doing a family dinner today. That will be enjoyable.
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I hope you had a wonderful day with your family. I found it interesting that you sounded as if it would be enjoyable and not something you wished to avoid for some reason. That's also a great sign as you were looking towards the future.