I remember the stress of being a young student. Then as now I was convinced most people didn't like me much, resulting in my life of hermitdom. Your experience with your sister resonates with me too. It took a lot of courage for you to pour your heart out to us. I admire that. I was given much of the advice on this thread over the years but there was a long period where I thought it was good advice but was not physically able to follow it. I had to really work on myself before I could get out of that dark room. I wish you good counseling and I hope you feel better soon.