Hi everyone, just found these boards after desperately searching for a support forum. It's tough because I don't know what in the world is going on with me in the first place.

I've been having problems for a long time now. It started when my youngest daughter was born and I developed post-partum anxiety. There were a lot of external factors involved, but I feel like I pretty much went crazy for a little bit and to be honest I'm not sure that it has ever completely "gone away". I've learned how to cope with it for the most part, but I'm definitely not unshakeable anymore like I used to be.

I had the feeling for a long time after that that something was wrong with me. I can't even describe what or why, but I began to be fatigued all the time (which may well be due to lack of sleep, hard to fall asleep when my heart is racing) and began developing lots of abdominal pain/cramping. The oddest part is that the cramping would occur more before or after my period than it would when I was bleeding. The pain became increasingly worse and after several visits to the Dr and having the pain be written off as IBS, anxiety/stress, hormonal fluctuations due to stopping breastfeeding, I finally went to my GYN Dr who actually checked me. It turned out I had a "massive" amount of white blood cells in my vaginal discharge.

She immediately put me on antibiotics. I took these religiously and felt like a brand new person for about a week. After that week the symptoms (abdominal pain/cramping) returned more quickly than the first time. I also started Ortho Evra birth control during that time so I have no idea if that had any affect. I've been back to the Dr since, was re-tested and she said she didn't see the infection she saw the first time but that she would put me on another course of a different antibiotic since it made me feel better the first time. I am scheduled for a pelvic ultrasound in a couple days.

I feel a little hope now that a Dr is actually trying to find out what's wrong instead of just telling me I'm crazy, but at the same time I'm terrified of what they will find. My mother and many of the women in my family have had hysterectomies due to uterine fibroids, so I can only hope that's what is causing my issues. But when I think about it too much I start worrying about cancer, especially since I have had several bad pap smears in years past. And even if fibroids come up on the ultrasound, how will they know if they're benign? I'm just not sure how to cope with the unknown when it comes to my health. I have two little girls who I need to be healthy for, and the thought of having something serious and not being there for them just shatters me. So here I am freaking myself out over it to the point I can't sleep :-/ I know it doesn't do any good and that stressing out over it just makes the pain worse but at the same time I can't really stop thinking about it.

Have any of you been in my place? How did you/do you cope?