well yu can cross off one facility as 'GETS IT'. i seemed to get thru to the most angry one by saying it's the body not the clock. now they are noticing the head bob when i need more. it's like a dang lighthouse rotating light. next time on duty she just dropped her anger and decided i wasn't a prima dona [ha!] and now i am wallowing in nourishment, called sugar, babe, honey, do you want your xanax now or at six?

who else wants to be psychotic and train a rehab clinic?

i'm just getting on and feeling good. but i have to tackle the hospital. going to the ortho surgeon and asking lots of questions. not looking to blame or sue or anything . just don't want to repeat it.

theory:
i don't think i was completely asleep. didn't feel surgery but woke up due to the foot tied to the weight. i think they put me under again, which is why i can describe what it feels like to almost die. This isn't morbid and think you will understand if you read this. someone should have sat me down and talked to me.

for some this kind of experience causes post traumatic stress syndrome. and it's not that uncommon.

At the hospital i kept saying, "it is a long way down and gets darker". waking up under it all explains it all. that's when in my mind i was saying, don't bring me back if the foot kicks it's just dopamine, but also noticed i was pretty alert.

it is mandatory to check our your anesthesiologist; the other article crossed my mind and i understand i accused people of it. an auditory hallucination caused me to accuse before i read The Junkie in the O.R. I' must get the records and scutinize them . everyone knows that pd are diffictult to put under and slow to come back.

i may never know exactly how and when, but i know i was awake in the darkness of anesthesia. I'm hardly the first; i was lucky - u can end up in a permanent coma, which brought a poster here seeking support for her mother after her spheremine surgery in a clinical trial. she is alive and gone; yells inappropriate things but went in as an active woman with pd.
never came out of it.

it's a very important. i could have been feeling paranoid because of hospital staff indifference or impatience. this could lead to negative dreams - mine were horrid. Patients are the brunt of every medical worker's bad day. they make the mistake of thinking we are stupid - so much to change. the first is frightening, the second - well it takes u to the brink of death, which is where you are under anesthesia. it's not morbid, it's fascinating and they pass addicts around "like pedophile priests;" a very dark topic but we are headed for more where this came from.

http://www.ctcps.org/campaigns/junkie.cfm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anesthe...esia_awareness