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Originally Posted by 343v343
Argh. TOS is leaving me with little hope. I have read nearly every pub med article that exists. Every thread on this forum going back years. Links on the net. Twitter even. Emailing people going back to 2002 about their long term relief of surgery.
I am having a very difficult time believing there is any real hope for serious NTOS relief unless I am willing to simply drop everything in life and quit working entirely. Even with a remote chance of two (I am bilateral) decompression surgeries the likelihood of relapse is great if I go back to a computer job. Or the likelihood of being left worse is very probable with scar tissue and such.
I feel out of options. Have tried PT. Chrios. Active release. Deep tissue. Muscle relaxants. Etc. etc. I am depressed and exhausted from seeing doctor after doctor. I have an orthopedic appt. tomorrow and a vascular surgeon appt. on Friday. I am not expecting any good news but rather more input on how complicated my situation is. Hoping for no vascular involvement but am not guessing I will be that lucky.
I do self care -every- day and still find myself worsening little by little. I don't want to live the rest of my life on opioids and fentanyl or be reduced to having people drive me everywhere because I am unable to use my hands overhead. I want my old life back and feel like I am dying slowly with this.
I feel very dark and helpless as I watch my career, my marriage, my world, and my sense of life just dwindle away. Just so unjust and unfair to have this. I truly feel a sense of sadness for anyone afflicted with TOS. It is horrible and mentally torturing in addition to the physical symptoms. I would rather die than live like this indefinitely.
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Hang in there 343v343. I understand well the feeling of grief over loss of one's "real" life. The biggest hurdle with TOS is mental. Somehow we all have to make sense with the "new normal" of our lives.
I have weeks where I can do almost nothing. But the last 3 days I've actually had pretty good pain relief. I've gone out to dinner with friends, been able to drive a little, read without getting headaches. It might not sound like much but it's huge for me.
Chronic pain gives you an opportunity to really live in the present. When I'm able to stay in the present and not spin out with worry about my future, I realize that even the pain changes from moment to moment. It is not a solid, unchanging wall of pain. Seeing that even the pain changes has been helpful for me.
Take care,
Kelly