Dear Mari

i loved the pretty orange fish you posted for me! thank you for finding that! and that is some feisty meaning. i could use some feist. (i enjoyed the buddhist iconography page too.) pdoc and i have been talking about situations (all too many) when i end up feeling like a mollusc. unfortunately depression predisposes to that. and anxiety too. well there is a lot mixed up in it. anyway. i so loved that little fish. beautiful.

I think the Zoloft MIGHT be helping a little. i have been more active but still housebound. i still have terrible problems with every little thing. i have been cooking a fair bit. sometimes actual meals or complex things. sometimes just very simple things like a batch of basmati for mom and i to snack from. i still have a long way to go. i am fearful of going up on the Zoloft. i have bouts of aggressivity which are probably a product of surroundings and mood - pdoc does not feel it is the Zoloft.

but i don't think i want to risk upping the ante on it with more Zoloft. it's basically when i really really need peace and cannot get it, after a while, i blow a gasket. it's more general exasperation and not really directed. however if someone contributes to the "bad situation" or tries to interact with me at such a time, they are liable to get snapped at. and then i feel bad and cry and feel like an evil monster.

~ waves ~ in good company of this lovely orange fish