I am so much in the same boat as you. I am falling apart medically and I look each day for some point of Joy. My family has abandoned me too. I had two teeth pulled this past wed. as I could not afford the surgery and the three new crowns to save them years ago. I am swollen and miserable, with thyroid nodes choking me. Barretts esophogus threating me with cancer, and all kinds of crap. I do know how you feel. I have lost my way too in this life. I would tell you to keep on trucking no matter what! Try to tell this new doctor your truth. Look him in the eye, and say the truth to him, that you are afraid he will just see what others have said about you. Ask him for mercy and to listen to you. Look at his soul and see if he has one and pray that he does. You must speak out about your misery to get the help you need. I am sorry your country is not like the US. I complain about our country but there is good access to doctors who specialize. I have 5 doctors trying to hold my health together. I am old before my time and angry about it. I am not a good patient eithor. I have pulled out my IV, and walked out of a hospital, I am trouble with my first neruologist. I would not do the tests he wanted. He told me he would not help me unless I submitted to it. well I left and was labled trouble too. I found a new neuro, and he did not make me do the test I feared. I am not a cow and had no wish to be shocked with needles in my body. I do not do all they ask me to do eithor. I am stubborn, and I tell the truth as I see it to them. I am not sure if I will treat throat cancer if that is what I wind up with eithor. My dad died of it, and I have no wish to leave the earth in pain like that. I do know the frustration with medical issues as you do. I only know I keep on trying. I still like the sunrise and sunsets. I have a friend who will care about me no matter what happens. any friend like that is worth sticking around for. There are friends here who you will meet, to help you on this journey, who will not abandon you. My daughter has not seen me in 9 years. I am not allowed to see my grandson. I too was abandoned by family and know that pain. You are a child of the universe, no less than I am and worth your life. fight for your life, and that you can find a better one then what you have right now. I believe you can find hope in another doctor. Bear your heart and soul and keep on keeping on. Reading is a joy. Being still in prayer is a joy. Seeking friends, and meeting others too can be a joy. There still is good out there in this world of ours. I am swollen right now from my tooth loss, in pain and look like the devil. I am bald on my head and hurt in my heart. Yet I am still here trying to seek out the good there still is. Try Kitty to find your way. You have a friend right here. ginnie