So it will be 7 months since my last concussion (of at least 5) next week. I have been reading these boards for a while now but never registered until now.

What Happened

I was having the time of my life, my school grades were great, I was applying to university (I live in Canada). I was snowboarding at my highest level. Things were amazing!

Then...

I was on a training trip during April in Breckenridge, CO. I decided to try a new trick (double cork) and I landed on my back and dinged my head. I remember forgetting what happened in the air but otherwise I was fine. After that for the rest of the day I felt great. That night I went trampolining and that is where I started to feel really weird. Every time I did a flip it was like I just blanked out and forgot what I was doing. Things only deteriorated for the next few days. I had the worst nightmares of my life, I would get up in the middle of night and see faces in the walls. I thought I was going insane. I went to the Hospital on the 3rd day. They gave a a CT scan and said I had a 'mild' concussion. Once I was home I slept alot, and was really worried that I may be retarded for the rest of my life. I went to the doctor and he said I was fine, that I just needed some time (I wanted a referral to a neurologist). I feel like I have made some big progress since then. However, I have recently had some new problems. I just started University and I am in a Computer Science/ Business Double Degree program. I am surrounded by geniuses and I feel like some retard who hit his head one too many times snowboarding, things are pretty rough. I also have some wonderful bouts of depression, and these weird vision problems. If I look at something black and white I will start to trip out, like everything starts to move, and lights flash. And sometimes random stuff just appears in my vision and it has been getting worse lately. Not to mention that my memory, and my spelling has become very poor, I forget words all the time, what I was thinking, and I randomly shake. Probably the toughest thing is that I find it so hard to solve problems, and I am doing a lot of math.

I'm going to see my doc in December to hopefully get a referral to a neurologist. But in all honesty I know there is nothing that can be done. I just feel so bad and like I have ruined my life. I used to be smart, and I used to be able to snowboard. My passion in life. Now I have nothing... what is there to live for? Everyday I wish I could go back in time. But I can't.

I also find it very weird that my problems aren't typical of PCS, I have no headaches what so ever. I was also very optimistic over the first 3 months, but nothing has really gotten better, it has now been 7 months. I don't know if I can live the rest of my life like this and I am only 18.