Dear Roz -

I am so sorry to hear of the sadness which fills you heart. First the lost of some who nutured you even while the rest if the world saw you as an adult, and then now for pain and self-recrimination of not going to her.

I know that apart from my own parents - who are remarkably still strong - the person I was closest to in my life was my maternal grandmother. Yet after she was widowed, I really didn't do a good job of staying in touch, until she slipped significantly into her dementia, and it was really too late. I kicked myself like hell for a couple of years after she died, until I realized that with or without me, her life ended in peace, surrounded by the arms of love, in this case, my mother.

I firmly believe that your surrogate mom was reaching out to give you her love as much as to receive it. She was surrounded by a loving family who cared for her deeply. You should know that, having been with her in her last days or not, you will always carry the love she gave you.

much love,
Mike