Oh Eva, it just keeps getting worse and worse for you. I feel so bad for you. You have friends here to listen, I know its hard coping with this pain alone, and you need someone to listen and understand.

I wish you would consider a sleep aid, I have to take one to sleep through the pain also, and lack of sleep really does make everything so much worse. Your body needs sleep to heal, and you aren't getting that.

I know when I am overtired, I react differently to pain, anxiety, life, I myself tend to make my stress much worse when I'm tired.

I understand missing your work and life. I'm going through the same anxiety and stress about not being back to work yet. I feel so guilty that I am still off work even though I know I'm not physically able to do my work. It's that loss of feeling important and needed, feeling like your life has a purpose.

My husband is very good at reminding me that my JOB right now is healing. It is my full time job to go to physio, do my stretches and exercises, follow doctors orders, rest and allow my body to heal. And that is your job right now too. You need to just allow your body to try and get over all these horrible invasions from surgery.

Please try to get some rest. Have you tried to meditate? I find that deep meditation is a very good way for me to get through really intense pain. It takes some practise, but if you practise anyone can do it. Find whatever the most comfortable position is for you, and focus on your breathing, clear your mind from wandering and focus on your breathe and heartbeat. Even if you can only manage 3 mins at first, it will help. There are lots of great websites on meditation also. Try it, it can't hurt, and I wish it would help you even just a little.

Take care my friend.
Wishing you less pain and more healing.
Cathie