Zorro brings up an excellent point from the other side of things. We all go through a learning curve with any kind of chronic pain, and one thing we learn is that talking about it, even though it preoccupies us as the painees, turns normies off. I lost a lot of friends and social invitations until it dawned on me that when people ask, "How are you?" it's just an expression - they don't usually really want to know (some exceptions of course).

I made a vow that pain/medical stuff is only to be talked about with people who do understand, and even then only in a support capacity/setting (like HERE). When I stopped talking about it, I thought about it less, and friends started coming back.... s-l-o-w-l-y.

Spouses should be among those we can open up to/with, but even so, there should be limits, or it can drive a wedge. My wife tends to worry about me so much she asks if I'm alright, or how I'm doing, several times a day, and that can drive me nuts. Communication is paramount in any relationship; she's learned to back off a bit (bit of a control freak) and I've learned to answer the unasked question much as Zorro has - with a look/expression.

We also make it a point to have many evenings/days when certain stressful topics are just taboo - let 'em go for a few hours and enjoy the things we always have together - watch a movie, play a game, dinner with friends.... There's still conversation - just normal conversation.

Doc