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Originally Posted by Blaine
so can I spew here[?]
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You betcha kiddo. Do it here, and you may be able to save from doing it some less appropriate (for you) places.
You sound in many ways like my wife (and to a different extent, myself). She wound up just having to retire ahead of schedule (which left us short of prepared) because between her own health issues, job pressures, and being my primary caregiver, it was affecting her and us in some very negative ways. Things are tougher now in some ways, and better in others.
I still, after many years, have not fully reconciled giving up my business and the other creative and productive endeavors I was engaged in.
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but then all we ever talk about when we get together is my condition - so that is what I have become - my condition. .... I don't do anything else. I can't do anything else. My pain and condition do not allow for anything other than to focus on my condition -sick twisted circle isn't it?!
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Yeah, that's what the person we tried to establish a friendship with was like.
That's what making a point to leave it alone for an evening, or a day, and do something "normal" for a few hours is about. It's not easy-peasy. It takes some analysis, rethinking, adjustment, behavioral modification, and just plain hard work, but you can do that. You
are more than your condition; try to show/prove that to yourself and those around you. Ask your friends/co-workers specifically
not to ask you about these things, and be open and tell them why; they'll understand and cooperate because it's something they
can do to help you feel better about yourself (if not feel better physically). You're a teacher, so I know you know what attitude and cooperation can accomplish.
I'm wondering if your husband might not be feeling like some of the doctors described in that blog. He loves you and wants to make you better - he's your partner, lover, protector - and he feels powerless and ineffective, and perhaps guilty about that, and maybe it comes out in unpredictable ways. Possible?
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HOW did this happen to me - I had it all right; a happy focused life, a decent marriage, 4 children, a home and now ALL of it is in misery and in jeopardy. We are in financial ruin because of my medical bills, my marriage is at the bottom, my children are miserable because my marriage is miserable, and I can't get off the couch.............................
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These are things we are pretty much all going through. They are more than events. Catastrophic life-altering illness is a process - a journey - and in many ways it's very similar to, and involves, the stages of grief.
Google:
stages of grief
The more you learn, the more you become aware of your condition(s), chronic pain, its politics, doctors & medicine, this journey & these stages of grief.... all this.... stuff - the better equipped you will become to adapt and survive and cope.
Doc