Since I've been feeling somewhat OK lately, I thought I'd show up to my fiance's mother's birthday party at a downtown casino. There was lots of loud noises (they were doing karaoke, noise from the slot machines, people talking/laughing/screaming), tons of people and lots of bright lights. When I first got there, I went over to the table where they were sitting..which was really close to the speakers. The sound became unbearable so I moved to the back where it wasn't so loud. I was hanging out in the back there with my fiance and we were chatting, watching/listening to people singing on stage. Everything was cool, I was actually enjoying myself and nothing was bothering me.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, something clicked. I suddenly felt like I was lost, confused, like I was not even there and didn't know what was going on. My fiance was saying something to me that was in regards to something we were just talking about minutes before and I kept saying "what?" because it felt like my mind hit a reset button. I rushed to the bathroom to splash water on my face..it didn't work. I was stuck in a daze. I felt as if I was literally and completely losing my mind. That was almost 24 hours ago and I'm still stuck in that daze.

I had trouble sleeping last night because of it. I tried everything, watching TV, listening to radio, talking to my sister...anything to get my mind off of it to see if it would go away. Nothing would work. My brain got so exhausted, I finally fell asleep.

When I woke up, I felt the same as I did last night but worse. Lost, confused, crazy. I started crying like a little baby, my mom came in and she tried to calm me down but it wasn't working. I told my mom I was considering checking myself in to a mental hospital. That's how bad it is.

I'm gonna try explaining the way I feel the best I can...and I just want to know if anyone else has gone through this, still goes through this, what it could be and how they got through it:

So I pretty much feel crazy. Lost, confused, not even here...I feel like I don't even know what to do with myself. I don't want to talk to anybody, I'm ignoring phone calls...I just feel like I need some kind of help. What could this be? Derealization? I read something online about it and some of how I feel is explained as a symptom of derealization. I wanna go to the ER but something happened like this before(this time it's worse) and they weren't able to do anything for me. Ugh...