I have had the same. Struggled with suicidal ideation since I was 10 years old, after my severe concussion. It is a major symptom of depression. The brain gets exhausted and the thinking starts to focus on finding a way out of the mental fatigue and mental pain.

Those of you who struggle with this would do well to develop resources of people and professionals to contact. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques can be helpful at directing these thoughts.

Don't be afraid to get help. The skilled professional knows this is not a weak character issue.

It is often a total waste of effort to reach out for support from head strong and egotistical people in your family or friends. They will likely blame you and tell you to buck up and deal with it.