[I am so sorry that you lost your brother in that way. It must be very difficult to come to terms with that. I know how it must effect your own mental state. Please, do seek out help, from a councilor, or psychologist, if his death is preventing you from seeking the help with your own medical condition. I also want to tell you I have had several operations on my throat for Cervical fusion. The scars are not noticealbe, they blend in to the folds of your neck. You won't see it at all after awhile. Please take care of yourself. Again, I do understand how difficult the loss of your brother was. It is OK to tell people on this site how he passed away, nobody will think in a negative way anything you say. You will only find compassion and a group of people who will care about you. I wish you all the best with your medical condition. ginnie