About two years ago I just decided that I couldn't handle dealing with my mother anymore. She was demanding and self-centered to a degree that was absurd. I too envied people with more normal families. I moved out at 17. Despite having no real affection for her, or perhaps out of guilt, because of it, I did much, much more than my older, legitimate, sisters to make her happy and include her in our lives. She always brought me down, and my husband would say that the worse thing we ever did was not moving far, far away.
I think it was some combination of my health and peri-menopause that made me decide to make a break. I couldn't keep up with her demands anymore, and she would never accept less than 100% compliance. I think that as we get older and more disabled we are struck by two realities- that we will never have a loving, nurturing mother, and that we don't have as much time to waste on it as we used to.
She died this past summer and was buried without a funeral Mass, or any memorial at all. I have never felt so free. It sounds nasty, but I carry a lot of psychological trauma from her abuse and neglect.
Have you ever watched Hoarders? It is the only regular TV show I have ever watched. I am struck by how mean and abusive some of the elderly Hoarders are to their adult children. My mother's house was lovely, but her selfishness and attitude were exactly the same. Sometimes the show makes me cry, it brings up so much baggage. You are not alone in feeling the way that you do.