Aaaghhhh - This is sooooo her!


Back to the topic of the marriage/our-conditions/influence-on-children -

.... I just found out my 13 yro son is failing two of his classes, back-talkng to his teachers, not doing ANY of his in class assignments (he does his homework because at home I am here to check on him), and just goofing off and playing around in his classes all day.

Now two off his teachers have know him since I brought him home at age 6 1/2 and they know he has an extremely high IQ, but is also has RAD (reactive attachment disorder). Peter is adopted and has overcome most of his issues with this disorder. It really hasn't been much of a problem the past couple of years but as you see he is acting out again. One of his teachers wants him out of her class completely. But he also gets a's and b's on the assignments he does do, and is in leadership class, and was on the honor roll last quarter -this is all new and is a reflection my husbands and I marriage problems I'm sure. We hafe reassured that everything is going to be okay, but I know it will take I long time for him to feel comfortable due to his attachment disorder.

For those of you that dont know; in the simplest form attachment disorder occurs when children from newborns to age 3 or so do not get thier most basic needs met regularly. Like getting fed when hungry, held when scared, ect. Those children then ONLY feel compfortable when they feel uncomfortable. Does that make sense? These children actually cannot handle good feelings. Take for example his biological sister; she was 3 1/2 when she moved in and anytime you said "good job", or a likewise positive comment, within 15 minutes or so whe would go hurt an animal, her sister (our other daughter, a bio-child), or break a toy, or worse. So it takes YEARS to get them past thier history and they will always struggle with these feelings. Peter has come along way. We do an immense amount of therapy with them.

But now he is 13.........I know why he is acting out, and we are doing the traditional therapy with him for this. We talk, and a lot of cuddling is the most theraputic for him. Call it a form of holding therapy - we just sit on the couch with him on my lap and we talk or I just hold him and I read a book. He is amazingly respecful about how much pain this causes me, so I know her cares. He also has to really do a lot of physical work to burn off his anger and resentment.

Only now he is 13 and is being smarty pants and just not doing what he is told. How do I get through to a 13 yro when I can't physically do anything about - remember I can't use my arms much without causing severe pain. I tell him to do somthing and he jsut sits there and does ts in his own sweet time. Or not at all.

These new teen-type of behaviors are what I don't know how to handle, and I feel a little water-logged/overwhelmed. I don't know when to stop, when to intervein, when to let it go. Do I call him on him waiting ten seconds to getup to his chores, even though he does this 16 TIMES A DAY. When he takls in a sullen voice how many times do I let it go? I have studied and learned so much about adoption,attachment disorder, gifted children, gate-childre, highly-emotional children,exteremly independent children, shy children - aaaaaaaaghghghghhghg, ........ dgomasnr;oigjae'r gfmnafkvmasdklvm ad;lvmaero geojg'pbvmb mpk
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................... i cant think i cant fit eny mor in mi brane