Thanks for your input and yes I had a left frontal lobe hematoma.

It's kinda funny how it's happening now, it will be completely washed from my mind and then I'll start thinking; "Hey I haven't had any thoughts of....oh crap, there they are again". So what I've been doing is keeping myself busy throughout the day and when a thought comes up about hurting someone I love or myself I just turn it around and think how much I love that person. So like your saying, turning a negative into a positive or balancing it.

This has been adding to my anxiety and depression so I'm thinking about asking for another prescription of Prozac (the first script I threw away, didn't think I needed it) and see if that helps.