last night was a weird time. i have had a chronic problem for at least half a year and don't want to tell my doctor because i am afraid he will make me take tests. i am afraid of tests. i am afraid of doctors. when i was badly burnt the pain was excruciating and i developed post traumatic system from the explosion. i said to myself that i would rather die than go through pain again.
that was in79 and if anything i have gotten worse. supposedly my heart and lungs are okay and i have a physical in a couple of weeks which i am scared of. last night i was trying to make peace with death and was just obsessed with death. I am such a frightened person. it is getting worse with age.
guess i will try to read a book and escape
bobby