Hi.

thank you again everyone. you are all wonderful. i appreciate your understanding, and trying to understand and trying to help.

ok so a few things. i've been thinking.

EVERYONE

i have thought. and memory issues aside, i don't even want us to try to shapeshift our interactions around some twisted stuff that happened to me. it hit me hard partly due to the twistedness, partly because it was from left field, but i think especially, because i was extremely depressed and therefore extremely vulnerable at the time.

the vulnerability was mine.
the depression was mine.
and the developed hypersensitivity is, of course, mine.

and now, *I* need to reprocess how i hear this. if i never hear it, i can't reprocess it. so. how about this plan: we all continue to call each other on "beating ourselves up" when we notice it, just as we have always done.

for a while, when i hear it, i will need to remind myself:
-- you guys are taking care of me.
-- you guys are trying to help me self-observe and self-nurture.
-- we can have constructive dialog if i disagree with the observation.

i changed here, and i need to change back, not bring you into my nightmare.

if we notice a specific beating-up thing (X), i think it could be helpful - but not just to me - for us to say "i think you are beating yourself up about X" but if it's a general feeling one gets from a post, clearly that wouldn't apply. and if you don't remember, no worries.

point is, let's not delete one of the ways we help each other, even temporarily. i think we'd be throwing out the baby with the bathwater. i think we should just march on as before. i will march with my list of affirmations above, to help me get over this this this.... thing!


~ waves ~