I sure do understand how you feel. Nobody that has to be retired due to injury or disease feels good about it. It is depressing not to be what you were. I had a 30 year self made business, and my spinal fusions put a stop to all of it. I still fight depression as do many. I also have trouble walking, live almost on the beach, and cannot go down to the beach often because it hurts my ankles. So many of us are limited physically and it does effect all daily life. When I feel blue, and that things are too much to handle I seek escape. I go for the quiet, and dive into a book which takes me away from my current tearful disposition. I stop crying and adventure into someother location in my mind. I also depend on a few good friends to get me through the ruffer times and proceedures I don't want. I run back to this site for encouragement and compassion often. Talk to your family, let them know what is in your heart. Seek the compassion from those nearest you, ask for their help. Your wife won't see you as any different than the good person she married if there is love there. Take one day at a time, and maybe even tell the doctor how you feel. Please be good to yourself. I wish there were some magic thing to make it all go away for all of us who have limits now in our lives. I care about you, and hope that you can find fulfilment in your life. ginnie