I see you guys as the heroes. I wheelchair fence now. I can walk a bit but if I try to fence on my feet I fall right over. I look at these guys with traumatic spinal injuries or birth defects in wonder. I've only had a couple of brain surgeries.

I compete at the national and international level. But I see no ROI on me.

I used to operate at such a high level and now I see myself as a burden. The "lump in the bed" as I refer to myself in the hospital.

Am I scared? He!! yes. I am afraid that even with my CPAP on I am not going to wake up. I have such a big pity party it makes the Khardashian wedding look like a Vegas wedding chapel.I was the General Counsel and Board Secretary to a company and they cut me. That's another posting to be sure.

I am just starting with a local hospital in a mentor program they are developing for stroke survivors. We work with "fresh" stroke survivors who are just headed into rehab to let them know what they are facing. As cliche as it sounds, unless you have lived through one, there is no way you understand it. I am hoping it is good for me too. It's funny, I feel better after I spend a day with "my people."
People say concentrate on what you can do. The problem is that what I can't do keeps throwing itself in my face. Buffet lines, not being able to stand for more than a couple minutes. I don't know, I'm rambling. What's weird is that I recognize it but don't stop doing it.