[It is OK to come here and talk about this. Never mind what your husband says about you telling strangers on line. This is a good site with plenty of compassion from alot of people. We all have so many different kinds of problems yet it is really kind of a family.
I am divorced. I got a house, and moved my best friend in with me to make it financially. I am disabled. My kids are grown and only one is in my life. My daughter and son in law, grandchild, refuse to have me be a part of their lives, so I do know what it is like to have some really difficult family and emotional problems.
You cannot live like that being abused. That is really what is occuring. This will never be good for you, and only lead to illness and more sorrow. The emotional pain you are enduring will effect your body eventually. You must take care of yourself. You won't loose your children. there is help there, even if you are in a rural area. check to see if there is a "womans" center nearby. Call your local hospital to see if they have advocates for abuse. Seek some kind of social agency that can help. Call the abuse hot line. Call your church if you have one. Change can only be good for you, and in the end it will be better for your children. If your husband can't change or stop his behavior, then you really have to be the one to be strong and get out of the situation. From the sound of it, council wouldn't do much good. Your love for him is no longer there, so working one way in a marriage doesn't work. Nobody can stay healthy in an enviroment filled with terrible words flung at the partner. That isn't good for your kids eithor. It would be telling them it is OK for your husband to treat you like that. It isn't OK for him to treat you like that. Your kids are going to understand that if they are of the age of reason. Consider seeking help. Make some plans maybe, come back here, for more people to respond to you. I know that for myself, I cannot and would not live in an abusive situation. I did loose part of my family, but I didn't loose my soul. I found help, and got counciling. Forgive me if I said anything to offend. I just hear your agony so clearly. Think of yourself first now. Come back here anytime and if I can help in any way I will. ginnie