Also, you said that you thought you were done with all of that when you grew up. I was raised by a mother who fits the profile of narcisstic personality disorder. Were you abused as a child? There is a book called "Will I Ever Be Good Enough" which you should read if you have had this background. It can explain many things about why you have trouble commanding respect and why you have poor self-esteem, or feel a constant need to make everyone else happy at your own expense, if these ideas fit your situation.

Now I am really delving into the area of amateur psychologist, which is always a mistake, but I am curious about your childhood. Mine has certainly permanently scarred me, and I have a much easier set of circumstances than you have, Blaine.