He has never been physical with me or the horses. But it is an interesting thing about the horse riding. Any one who rides knows it is always rider error, yet to this day he still blames his horse for ANY mistakes. He especially won't listen to me trying to help him learn. He has become involved with horse because of me and has learned to ride as an adult which is very hard to do. We have done a lot of clinics through our club and they have taught him the same things I have and he will even laugh a little sarcastically about how I have been saying that for years. But he will NOT recognize that I have the knowledge to help him work with his horse. He has a great horse now who has had some problems in the past. But if ANY little thing goes off Joe will automatically reprimand the horse and his anger and frustration level goes to rage immediately and he blames the horse for the problem when it is nearly always Joes responsibility or fault - very much like he treats me. Thank you Zygo, I am sure you understand.
I will take what you have said though and look at the site you recommend - thank you. I do believe this is abuse, but it wasn't always this way, and at one time I treated him horribly as well. Where do you lay down the blame when both of you were doing at one time, but one has stopped. I was never as insulting as he is now, but I have always had a quick and sharp temper. I have lost my patience and have been very difficult to be around in the past 4 years - I'm no prize. I'm not saying that to excuse his behavior, I am saying it to take responsibility for how I was 11 months ago. Since February I have worked my BUT* off to change. I tried to include him in this but he has been wary of any change on his part, as I have described. I wish I knew what it was that "made me seethe light", but one day something just shifted and suddeenly I saw! I really, really saw what it was I was doing by being so quick to engage in Joes temper tantrums. I just could see how hurtful it was to talk like that back to him, how awful it was for my kids to see it, and how damaging it was to all the relationships around us. It was so obvious and there! I just wish I could show him....