I may have misunderstood your earlier posts, I thought you were just overwhelmed with the logistics of leaving. I understand its hard either way.

Here's a link to a marriage forum, if you don't like that one there are a ton of them online. I looked at it briefly and it seemed to have some good info.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/

I agree that third party intervention would be the best but it sounds like that may be hard to achieve. Is there anyone at all you could talk to, Dr, etc.?

You mentioned that you felt much of the problem is that your husband has become a 'forced caregiver'. Is he still working and then coming home to a lot of household responsibilities or staying at home full time to care for you?
Is there anything you can do to help that? Do the kids help? Could you hire someone for a few hours a week to do part of it? Maybe there are some small ways you can lessen the stress for both of you.

I hope you will have as good a Christmas as you can, give that old horse a pat for me.

Zygo