He didn't like the casserole,
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard ...
Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right.
He didn't like the stew.
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer.
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked
the **** out of him ...

Like his mama used to do.

.................................................. ................................

So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan jokes,
somebody had to come up with this, you know you're from
California if:

1.
Your coworker has 8 body piercing and none are
visible.

2.
You make over $300, 000 and still can't afford a
house.

3.
You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in
English

4.
Your child's 3rd-grad e teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named
Flower.

5.
You
can't remember . . is pot illegal?

6.
You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm
donor.

7.
You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and
you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

8.
You
can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

9.
A really great parking space can totally move you to
tears.

10.
Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere
else in the U.S.

11.
Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.

12.
Your car insurance costs as much as your house
payment.

13.
You
can't remember . . .is pot illegal?

14.
It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM
WATCH."

15 .
You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with
their cells or pagers.

16.
It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to
avoid all the weather-related accidents.

17.
HEY!!!!
Is pot illegal????

18.
Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal trainers and cosmetic
surgeons.

19.
The
Terminator is your governor.


20.
If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here
illegally, they want to give you one

.................................................. ...........................................

Like him or hate him, this is funny.


The War Department briefed the President this morning. They told Bush that 2 Brazilian solders were killed in Iraq.

To everyone's amazement, all the color drained from Bush's face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.

Finally, he composed himself and asked, "Just exactly how many is a Brazilian?"