I am sorry. I remember when my mom and dad were having problems and my mom wanted to do therapy together but also wanted him to see someone separate. At first he did not want to and felt he had nothing to change and there was ntohing wrong. He felt it was all my mom. Anyhow then my mom filed for divorce with the paperwork and he did a 180 where he did both types of therapy. Now in the end it was enough and they divorced but sometimes a person will change if they know they have to. I am not saying for you to file for divorce but may be if your husband feels there is no option then to do therapy he will.
You sound really sad/struggling so just letting you know I m here by email too.