Hi,

I`m in my 5th month of PCS and I have reconcussed, at least I think I have. I`ve been sitting in my apartment in Montreal (Canada) for the last months with little support. My accident happened at work. I dropped my key when locking up my bike in the basement and hit my head on a corner of the vent on the way up. Since then, I`ve had major inter-cranial pressure and light sensitivity, ringing ears, sound sensitivity pain etc. The symptoms fluctuated a lot. Unfortunately, the `specialist`that I got into didn`t tell me any of this so my emotional state went up and down with the symptoms. By the time I figured it out, i was already quite damaged by this process.
Around month 4, things started getting a lot better, and my mom came to visit me for the holidays. (I`m 27). I realized that I was scared to be around her because she is really strong and a bit clumsy and I was worried that she would hurt me. I also started testing my limits. Taking the bus etc, but it was all too much. I didn`t really recognize this.
Then I had a cab ride from hell. The cab driver went super fast over a speed bump. I was shaken up and worried but relatively fine. Then I tripped and had a shake to my head, and someone hit my head giving me a hug, and now I`m NOT FINE.
The intercranial pressure is back with a vengeance. I believe that I`m back to the beggining.
The hardest part is that I`m realizing that with the isolation, being away from my family (except my sister who can`t handle me anymore), the lack of support and the fear, I think I`ve got PTSD on some level.
My case manager from Workers compensation came by a few months ago and recognized that I wasn`t in a great situation emotionally and is setting me up with a rehab clinic here but it`s taken a really long time to get going and it`s in French, which I speak only a little of.
I`m going to see the specialist this week. I`m going to tell him that I`m drowning.
The hardest part about all of this is that I came into this situation already being horribly depressed and the concussion has just exacerbated this. I already had physical problems due to athletic injuries and I could barely sit in a chair at work without major back pain. Iìm a bit better now but it`s still an issue.
I am putting a tonne of pressure on my family. They can`t handle me and my depression any more. I don`s see the end of my concussion situation. I am alone. I just want to go home to my home town but I can`t get on a plane. Not with this pressure in my head. When it get`s better, perhaps I will. This is too much for one person to endure.
My dr. prescribed Elavil but I chose not to take it because I don`t want to deal with side affects, let alone weight gain which is already an issue. Does it actually help?
Also, has anyone use the Buffalo University approach to recovery, in which you moderately exercise?
I don't want to go through life worrying about someone hitting my head when I hug them. I feel isolated enough as it is. I am lucky that in Canada the health care is subsidized, I realize that but the medical system has dropped the ball on this one in that I am sitting here for five months with relatively no guidance except for some pills to pop and a booklet with "what not to do".
I need help. I have read the threads here. Some are helpful but mostly they make me feel worse.
Please. Anything you can tell me to help me until I go to the rehab center. I just need to calm down. I know I'll be ok eventually. What can I tell my family to reassure them that I'll be ok even though I've always been an emotional drain to them, pre-concussion and now?