******** Please don't read unless feeling emotionally safe ********












My brother is in his most severe mania he's been in for probably years. There's not alot of reaching him, though he's better a bit these last few days.

A bit of history...

He's dx'ed narcisstic, bipolar and probably cluster personality disorder. He made his first attempt at age 25. He actually almost succeeded but the hospital brought him back to us. He'd been so long without oxygen that they didn't know "how he'd wake up".

His suicidal ideation was always a comfort to him. I didn't realize this until his baby boy was born (my little man that I've raised for the last almost 3 years - he's four now). After his little man was born, he said that he didn't even have that to help him feel better. It really gave me some idea of his daily struggle and intense pain. I cried for days.

Since then, he's been in the hospital twice, but always called me before he got to the point where he felt he couldn't control the thoughts.

He's not medicated (except for self-medication), and refuses treatment.

This brings me to my concern...

He's not had such a severe mania in years. I'm terribly worried that the depression following will be very severe as well.

They're living in a place that's being foreclosed on (they've lived there rent free for over a year). They'll soon be homeless...again. This always gets him in a bad place. I had to take them food tonight because they had none...they won't even keep their appts. with community services. Their car is broken and they don't have the money to fix it. He doesn't have a driver's license and hasn't since he was 20 (he's 38). Everything is caving in...except his BIG ENTERPRISE he feels he has going on right now.

In this mania, he's created himself online as a production manager for bands. He's actually received money from two of them which furthered the grandiosity of it all. He's talking very rapidly and it's all about how he's convinced this one and that one, that finally people realize he's "the man".

His electric was shut off and now it's all falling apart as the mania is diminishing. When he "comes down" to see the reality of it all, I'll be the most concerned.

His fiance' (the little man's mama) is ill enough on her own to follow this man in all of this. I have the baby and he's safe with me, but his daddy is my baby brother. I loved and cared for him in a life of hell when we were growing up as if he were my own. We only had each other.

I've long since given up on the fact that I can "make it all better", but I'm getting close to feeling the need to remind him that he's just to call me and say, "I need to go to the hospital" again and it hurts my soul...the deepest parts of it.

He's a beautiful man. He loves me like he's capable of loving few. I love him as if he were my own. As he ages, his cycling (along with other mental health issues) seem to be lessening, but this one is pretty severe and that's why I'm so concerned.

Our county has been so great to him twice...setting him up in places, buying him furniture, giving him care when he had been hospitalized. When he went into a mania afterward, he went off meds, back to using, let the apts. go and even sold the stuff they bought him.

I'm rambling on and on and I don't know why. Everyone here has given up on him and so I really have no one IRL to discuss this with. It just frustrates them.

I don't know what will become of my brother. I love him so much.

Worried tonight from what I heard in his voice...

Thanks for listening.

KD