As you know, with any child there are no "quick" fixes. This us a life-time of behavior mod. and stuff. I am a big believer of a behavior mod with "talking". Be sure child knows in an age appropriate way what behaviors are wanted. Be consistent in things and try to be unemotional, it is the behaviors, not the child you don't like. Finds a professional or whatever whose approach seems right to you, everyone will offer their opinions. Start slow, don't overwhelm child and self and set you both up for failure. "Rewards" can be simple and unspoken as a smile from you or reading a book.

This is tough stuff and very hard for you. Be strong, good luck. You deserve support too.