I've been thinking about this thread.

I actually felt bad about what I typed, and I'm not going to reread it.

I realize that I actually am doing relatively okay as far as my MG symptoms go. I have ups and downs, but the ups and downs are stabilizing somewhat so I don't have those terribly weak days in bed so much. I am thankful for that. I don't have trouble breathing and I haven't had double vision for a while now. I do pace myself and can do very little...if I pushed myself I suspect the scariest of symptoms would return. I don't want to test that anymore.

On the other hand, I am far from normal. I've been struggling to learn how to live with MG and I am figuring it out. I'm making major life changes and am becoming a more relaxed person.

I have a big next step though that is causing me much frustration and at times fear. I need a job or a means of support. I don't have that.

I've been denied for disability twice and can't get myself to reapply. I feel guilty!

If I had financial support in my situation, I'd probably be saying that MG isn't that bad (for me). But since I don't have support other than my retirement account which I am living on at 40 years old, I am afraid for the future and I must say MG is terrible given this situation. I can't work and I've tried! Every time I try to do anything regularly I crash.

I've been avoiding doing things, ignoring that I don't have a future, and I am truly doing okay. I am hoping that MG will heal somehow if I take it easy for a while, and stop trying to work...I know chances are very low that I will go into remission, but it is my only hope right now.

If only I could figure out how to earn money without pushing myself too hard.

IF perhaps MG hadn't caught me at a time between jobs (and it wasn't my fault I had to leave my job, but that is another story), I would have been able to work with my employer so that I could keep working. Now, I can't imagine anyone wanting to hire me. I will be looking for a job next year however, I have no choice. I do want to work, I'd love to feel useful again somehow. I suspect I'll likely be living on welfare if I can't find a job (I can't get welfare now because of my savings account). Oh, I hate thinking about the future. MG has taken away my future! I hope I will be telling a different story next year. I wish I had support in finding a job that I can do and an employer willing to hire me.

So what I am saying is that I think part of how we judge how bad MG is, is by how much support we get by others including society in general. It is because I have no support that I am saying my MG is bad.