The last thing
I ever wanted
To do
Was to
Hurt any of you
I never wanted
To make
A spectacle
Of myself

In those months,
I always wish,
That I was
Someone else
I wish,
That I had
Control
Of my mind
All of the time

I have no
Inhibitions
When I'm in
That condition
I'm only stressed
At first
But it only grows
Worse
The longer I go
Without any care
But I am the only one
There-on that playing field-mentally
And I really have no answers
I do not posess the key
The one to safety
And it keeps building

I have discovered
That about every five to seven years
I lose about six months
Of my life
Due to this illness
That causes so much strife
I have the proper help now
So maybe, it won't be so much hell
When it strikes next time
When I'm getting close to thirty-nine

Bits and pieces-is all that is there
From the last 6 months
God, what a scare!
But, I'm used to that-I have these big gaps
In memory-Lapses in time
When reason was not mine
And, I wish I knew, What happened then
Maybe, I could find out
From a friend
Maybe, I will find out
In the end...