Hi, Philippe,

Welcome to the forum. It truly is the one place where many of us feel that other people "get it." Hope you find the support you need here.

I can really relate to a lot of what you wrote. I was a teacher and pushed through the first week after my concussion before breaking down and realizing I needed to see a doctor. My rationale was, "They will just tell me to rest and I don't have time to rest."

I ended up having to take off the entire second semester because my body forced me to take the rest I needed. I tried to go back part-time at the beginning of this school year and had many days of "faking happy" as you describe. That ended a few weeks ago after I had to go home early, in tears, several days in a row.

Your body knows what it can do. In the past, I have often tried to ignore or "push through" my symptoms, but now I am learning to trust my body. It has been really hard for me as I am used to being very productive and getting lots done. Some days I just can't do that any more.

So now I am job-less, applying for disability, and trying not to panic about what that means for my family financially. But it's all I can do right now, so it has to be enough.

Hope you find a way to make your job work for you so you don't end up hurting yourself more.