Hi! It sounds a bit like you were on something akin to an "acid" trip. Ironically, it could be an acid balance problem in the body (metabolic/respiratory).

First of all, HUGE hugs to you. You've been through quite a traumatic experience and need a lot of time to heal, both physically and emotionally. It doesn't matter if they were kind to you, any trauma is so hard to deal with!

It sounds like the combination of drugs is having a psychotic effect on you. I've had steroids twice in my life and both times they made me rather bonkers, as our old friend Rachel would say. So, it could be a single drug, a combination of drugs or how those drugs are affecting your metabolic balance.

Has anyone checked your basic metabolic profile? That includes albumin, kidney and liver function, electrolytes, etc. It would be important to know how your body is able to process all of these drugs. They should make sure they aren't building up in your system!

Plasma can cause problems with fluids, albumin, electrolytes, etc. When those things are not in balance, they can cause some pretty big changes in your body. There are doctors who underestimate what that can do to a patient.

It's not unusual to experience some level of anxiety after what you've been through. Think about it. You were in a foreign place (hospital), with "foreign" people (doctors/nurses/techs) and have been given "foreign" substances. Not to mention that your chest was just cracked open. That might even cause some post-traumatic stress disorder. So it could be a combination of that and the drugs. You were in a position of "powerlessness" and that alone can be overwhelming and cause anxiety.

These are not small things! You need someone to help you, to reassure you. You need an assessment of the drugs and your body. You might even need a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to. And staring endlessly at a DVD is comforting. My "go to" DVD's when I'm stressed are either survival movies (I know, strange right?) or ones like Pride & Prejudice or Sense & Sensibility. You need to escape from the real world because it's become way too real!

And may I say . . . screw the dishes. Life is not normal for you right now. Paper plates will do. The only important thing is getting you back to a proper balance so you can feel safe, loved and physically better. Your friends and family may not know exactly what you're going through but they will understand. Things are not business as usual and . . . THAT'S OKAY!!!

Panic attacks, which I am well acquainted with, are normal after what you've been through. You really should tell your doctor about them because they could also be from one of your drugs or a combo of them. Like those pain meds which cause you to enter another dimension or time travel or speak another language or whatever they're doing to you!

You can counteract panic attacks in a number of ways. You can leave the room you're in where one happens. Do they happen in only one room or everywhere? That's important to be aware of. You can put a cold washcloth on your neck/wrists to help. You can get angry. Yeah, angry. It's not good for MG to have huge swings of emotions but sometimes it's necessary. Anger and panic cannot exist in the body at the same time. Did you know that? My psychologist let me in on that little trick. And, yeah, staring at a DVD or the snow falling or birds or listening to music or playing computer games can all calm your mind and make the panic attacks better.

Ditto on what Debra said about the Tramdol. It can mess with MG and your brain.

I think the bottom line here is that you need to either see your doctor or have a conversation with them. Your primary doctor is the best one to see. If this is, as 4-eyes said, a post-surgical psychosis (don't let that term alone freak you out!), then you need medical care. Don't worry, it's usually a short-lived situation. If I'm going through pain, if I know it's going to end soon, that really helps!

Alice and Jana have given you great advice too. And support.

Don't assume anything. Just get checked out. Think of your environment, your food, your thoughts, your emotions as being there for YOU - your family too - and not the other way around. You have to slow down to a snail's pace and take care of yourself. No cleaning, no nothing. It's okay. There'll be plenty of time later to do all of that. Or hire a temp cleaning service to help.

Please, know that things will get better. In the meantime, call in the cavalry and get some good help. It's Friday . . . call your doctor now OR go to urgent care for advice. It might "freak" you out to think of going to the hospital for help but, if you have to, please do. You can be in control of the experience!

I'm babbling a little, sorry, but it just sounds like you are in dire need of medical care AND that intangible LOVE care. I hope you will feel better soon. If it helps to keep repeating that you're strong, you can handle this and it will be okay - or put signs up to that effect (seriously) - then do it. My "mantra" for trauma is: "You're okay." I found myself repeating that over and over again in 2004 after one of my medical traumas. It has become sort of a verbal meditation for when bad things happen.

Get some help and gentle, post-T hugs!

Annie