Dear Bobby,

Yes, I am learning that I have very little control. When I have tried to exercise control, I ended up where I would have been without trying so hard.

I am sure that his coming into my life was not part of any plan of mine. I am grateful for him everyday.

You are not selfish. You are teaching me to be more selfish and I need that and appreciate that.


Dear Waves,
You are kind to worry. But I don't get hypo (at least not on these meds). I get depressed occassionally and I get anxious if I am not careful about sleep and stressors. Daily, I deal with what feels like ordinary worry and concern.
I fight low energy levels and brain fog. I don't know if these are side effects of the meds or something else. But it would be hard to go from this to hypo.

I'm off the Xanax since June/July 2006.
The pdoc and I accomplished that by upping the Klonopin an equal amount. Even with that "plan," I still went through about an eight week detox. I had a couple of nights (fourth and sixth night in) of cold sweats. Also, lots of anxiety and lots of weirdo symptoms. My therapist was appropriately worried.

The Xanax did the nasties on the way out -- and proved to me that I really did have to get off it.

And thanks tremendously btw for helping me with my xanax crises last year.

Now I take 2.5 Klonopin and 240 Verpamil and Birth Control.

Dear Pamster,
I feel like all of us in Florida are in a club together. I also feel for people in New Orleans, Houston, Gavelston, .....

Sometimes I feel like all my energies are focused on surviving and thriving as much as possible either despite the bipolar or becuase of it. I have said here that I try to make bipolar my friend. I usually can do this by letting it absorb much of my attention and ability. Sometimes I can do this.

Dear Mrs. Bear,
I think we have similiar approaches to dealing with stuff that comes our way. I need a way to get my arms around it before I can detach.

I was dx'd with Chronic Fatigue in 1992. I remember I couldn't do anything except lie in bed or on the couch. Also, any exhertion meant that I would be worse the next day.

One morning I woke up actually unable to move my joints. I couldn't bend to get out of bed! I had to lie there and talk my self into being ok one joint at a time.

Anyway, I tell you this because, now some 15 years later, I think that I am pretty much past the CF. (Actually, I don't know for sure because I have no dr who believes in this.) Keep hope.

I started yoga because I could not exercise at all becuase of CFS.
My mom got me a tape of breathing. I didn't have to do any movements. The tape helped. (My mother is nuts. She got me this tape a few days after I was dx'd with walking pneumonia. Hello?! Deap breaths. Pneumonia??)

Dear Nikko,
You are right to deal with one moment at a time.
I am still learning.
Each time I remind myself to to do that, I get closer to knowing it.

Dear Bizi,
This is so true.

Last Saturday, hubby woke me up at 4:00 pm -- my usual wake time -- to ask me to go to a concert with him. I agreed because it seemed that I should support his interests.

We encountered horrible traffic because of other events going on in the same part of the city and a big rain storm.
Thirty minutes after the concert started we were in standing traffic a few blocks from the conert hall. We needed another 30 minutes just to find a parking place and then walk in the rain to the hall.

For him, I was able to stay calm....helping him deal with the traffic, telling him he was doing a good job driving, ......and then showing him which roads he needed to take to find the highway to get back home.
For him, I can be a calming influence.

We stopped for pizza when we got near home. The night ended up being a long car ride to nowhere but we were calm the whole time. I felt that we had accomplished something.
But you know what, even the pizza was crap and that means it was pretty bad because I love pizza.

Friends,
You are good and kind.
Mari