If I could somehow obtain enough money to quit my job and never have to work again, I would disappear into my house and never be seen again. I just have zero interest in anything the outside world has to offer. I can get all my entertainment through my computer and TV anyway, and the only reason those things are entertaining is because they're entirely fictional; they're based in a fantasy world where happiness exists, or at least exitement exists.

There have been a couple of times in my life where there was a real aspect of danger, where I could potentially die. Those couple of times where, by a wide margin, the best I've ever felt. That brief rush of excitement feels so much better then anything I've ever felt. Maybe I should move to a place with a high crime rate so there will be more of a chance for me to get into a serious fight. Isn't that the opposite of what a normal person would want? Shouldn't I want to avoid conflict like that? My existance is just so boring, and since happiness is far outside of the realm of possibility, being in an actual fight would do a lot to make the world more interesting.

Does any of that make sence or is it all rambling jibberish? I guess it's all my personal deathwish mixed with typical male testosterone fueled aggressive tendencies. Anyway, I'll stop talking now. As always feel free to ignore me and secretly wish I'd go away.