well, its been years in the making. it started when Morgan our 24 year old cat died. He went kinda bonkers. He was easily stressed, quickly startled, and went quickly into bladder spasms. He was on the best of the best food, but the urine test showed crystals and they were ripping up his bladder. Also garbage was gathering in the bottom of his bladder, and it was turning into a cement sludge cause it couldnt completely pass thru the exit door. He would struggle and cry and his bladder grew huge from not being able to empty it. We made the horrible choice 3x to have a catheter sewn into place so he could pee. Then we put him on meds, and allowed him to rest. After the 3rd time we chose to have a reassignment of boy vs girl parts done. We had his male opening made into a female one. He didnt seem to care, except that he could empty his own bladder.

Fast forward almost 2 years. He has been in and out of the hospital. He has been on every med imaginable. He has been pampered, babied, and coddled. He has had accupuncture, accupressure, pills, ointments, shots, flushes, blood tests, urine removed by needle, and I could go on all day, but wont.

During the last few months, he hit a bad skid and we cant seem to pull him out of it. He dribbles bloody urine because his bladder wont calm down. He races to the box, drops several small loads and digs and throws sand as if its so painful each time. He gets injections for pain control constantly. He is constantly being manipulated, turned, poked, and has been hiding in the armoire as his safety net. We recently put him on a new pill, crossed our fingers and prayed. It seemed to be working till last night.

Jack has been up all night vomiting, urinating, dripping, wretching, dry heaving, and completely miserable. I gave him the max amount of pain meds, anti anxiety meds, wrapped him in a blanket from the dryer, and tucked him in the armoire after allowing him junk food for the first time in years.

I just cant think of a way past putting this little cat to sleep (18 pounds isnt little) and its cracking my heart in two. I have completely run out of ideas. He has seen 5 vets as a double check. He has been placed on meds, off meds, on creams, off creams, and we even paid for accupuncture. What else can I do? I cant let him live the next 5 years like this, nor can I expect it of my family. This cat is so loved, and we have gone more than the extra mile for him, but I think its time to put him down.

Does anyone have ideas? tips? tricks? news I dont know about? its a grasping at straws kinda day. I dont want to do any of this, but Jack the cat really needs me.