Tom Jay showed strength on and off the field




Jay
Tom Jay was a gifted athlete.

He grew up in Massillon, Ohio, a town rich in high school football tradition, and was an All-Ohio right end during Paul Brown’s tenure as coach.

Brown, for whom the National Football League Cleveland Browns are named, went on to become a member of the NFL Hall of Fame.

Mr. Jay was an athlete at the universities of Oregon and Wisconsin and played semi-pro football in Cleveland.

He was a sports fan throughout his life and was an avid tennis player, a good swimmer and an outdoorsman.

Thomas Cashmere Jay died in his sleep March 19 of complications from amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, better known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease. He was 82.

The disease attacks the nervous system and Mr. Jay was paralyzed from the neck down his last three years.

The deterioration of such an active man was difficult for his family to watch.

“But in spite of that, he maintained his strength of character and his dignity through the whole thing,” his son, Thomas Dale Jay of Fayetteville, said. “ALS can strike anyone at any time during their life, but luckily it struck Dad in his late 70's, so he was able to live most of his life actively without the disease.”

In addition to his son, Mr. Jay is survived by his wife of 57 years, Mary; daughters, Linda Marie Bischoff of South Hold, N.Y., and June Renee Eck of Fayetteville; and three grandchildren.

Mr. Jay served in the Army in World War II and was awarded three Bronze Stars and a Purple Heart. He was among American troops who marched into Nagasaki shortly after an atomic bomb was dropped on the Japanese city.

In civilian life, he worked for Whitney Trading Co. for 20 years and was also affiliated with J.C. Penney, Treasure City and Wal-Mart as a manager and director of stores.

He loved his work and was good at it, spending his last 20 years in Fayetteville.

“He kept retiring,” his wife said, “but he couldn’t stay retired. He was restless and if someone asked him to do something, he was there.”

Mrs. Jay met her future husband in high school.

“He was tall (6-3), handsome, and a nice, wonderful person from the very beginning,” she recalled. “He was very out-going and a sincere person. He loved people and always wanted to help those who needed help. He was just a lovable guy.”

Mr. Jay enjoyed life to the fullest. He loved laughter and often whistled when he was relaxed or busy doing yard work.

“He was an eater,” Mrs. Jay said. “Everything was his favorite, but he loved to make his own spaghetti.”

Mr. Jay was a music lover and owned a large selection of compact discs. He loved the Big Band sounds such as the Glenn Miller Orchestra.

“We’ve seen all the Big Band guys in person,” Mrs. Jay said. “We would go and dance. I guess you could say dancing was our other sport.”

Mr. Jay had the knack of making people feel special. He was a dedicated family man and made friends easily, mustering smiles for home health caregivers and the nursing staffs on the eighth floor at Cape Fear Valley Medical Center and the third floor at Highsmith-Rainey.

Looking after his ailing father’s needs also influenced his son.

“It gave purpose to my life,” Thomas Dale Jay said. “The lesson that comes out of that is the strength that you find in your families and friends.”

Mr. Jay’s daughter, Linda, remembers her father’s coolness under pressure, even as his health failed.

“I can’t say enough for what my father’s life represents,” she said, “but I remember that, when things got tough, he would always say ‘At least I’m not in a foxhole and no one is shooting at me.’”

Mr. Jay often closed conversations with a simple request: “Do good things.”

“That’s what I’m going to do with the rest of my life,” Linda said. “I want to do good things.”

Jim Pettit can be reached at pettitj@fayobserver.com or 486-3583.